Talk to Me: Always
by strwbrygrl77
Summary: Walking away from Kate was the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life - but I couldn't stay and watch her throw her life away. Companion story to 'Headhunters'.


**A/N: Happy (belated) Thanksgiving! Can you believe we have to wait til the New Year for new episodes of Castle? Grr. Anyway, here's my version of 'Always' - that epic episode for Caskett. It's linked to my Headhunters story, but you don't have to read that one first, just know that Kate has told Rick she remembers everything the day of her shooting and they have been dating for the past few weeks. I do quote directly from the episode - with a minor tweak, since Kate already knows that Rick loves her, and he knows she remembers. No sex scenes in here, children. There are many of them on this website - awesome ones, so go find those if you want the smut!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Castle - if I did, new episodes would air every week and there would be Castle babies already. But the amazing Marlowe is doing a great job!**

* * *

I've lost her.

The past three weeks have been the most incredible of my life. Working side by side with Kate, building theory, finishing each other's sentences, and driving the boys crazy as they wonder what has happened to cause this overnight turnaround has been hilarious. But the icing on the cake has been after hours, when I get to wine and dine my detective. She has let me take her to some of the most romantic restaurants in the city, and we've spent more nights together than apart. True, we've done nothing more than cuddle and fall asleep in each other's arms, but for now it's more than enough. Just last week after we closed the zombie case, she told me her wall was nearly down. I had to restrain myself from kissing her senseless right there in the station – and Gates would have loved that!

But my own secret has been hanging over my head this entire time. I've started to tell her so many times – about the mysterious Smith and the file that Montgomery sent him to ensure her safety. I know she's going to be mad – I just don't know if it's going to be a deal breaker. We've barely begun and I can't lose her now.

But then as so often happens, life interferes and all my well laid plans went out the window. Orlando broke into Montgomery's house and Kate was hot on the trail of her sniper and I couldn't stop her – at least not without telling her everything.

* * *

"_What's wrong?"_

"_You have to stop this investigation."_

"_Castle, we already talked about this – I'm fine, I'm in control."_

"_No, you're not. They are. And if you don't stop, they will kill you, Kate."_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_Before Montgomery went into that hangar, he sent a package to someone – someone he trusted. It contained information damaging to the person behind all this. Montgomery was trying to protect you. But the package didn't arrive until after you'd been shot. Montgomery's friend struck a deal with them. If they left you alone, the package and the information inside would never see the light of day but they made one condition: you had to back off. That's the reason you're alive, because you stopped, Kate."_

"_How do you know this?"_

"_In order for the deal to work someone had to make sure you weren't pursuing it."_

"_Are you a part of this?"_

"_I was just trying to keep you safe-"_

"_By lying to me about the most important thing in my life?"_

"_That lie was the only thing that was protecting you."_

"_Castle, I didn't need protection – I needed a lead and you sat on it for a year! Now, who is this person, how do I find him?"_

"_He's a voice on the phone – a shadow in a parking garage."_

"_You – met with him? How do you know he's not behind my mom's murder? How do you know he's not involved and how the hell could you do this?"_

"_Because I love you, Kate."_

"_No, you don't get to play that card right now – not when you just told me you've been lying to me. Not when you've betrayed me like this."_

"_Kate, listen to me-"_

"_Listen to you? Why the hell should I listen to you? How am I even supposed to trust anything you say?"_

"_How are – because of everything we've been through! Four years I've been right here! Four years that I've been waiting for you to open your eyes and see that I'm right here! And that I'm more than a partner. Every morning I bring you a cup of coffee just so I can see a smile on your face because I think you are the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating person I've ever met and I love you, Kate, and if that means anything to you, if you care about me at all just please, don't do this."_

"_If I care about you – Castle, you cut a deal for my life like I was some kind of child, my life! Mine! You don't get to decide."_

"_You keep going with this- they're going to decide. They're going to come for you, Kate."_

"_Let them come. They sent Coonan and he's dead. They sent Lockwood and he is dead. And I am still here, Castle. I am ready."_

"_Ready for what? To die for your cause? This isn't a murder investigation anymore – they've turned it into a war."_

"_If they want a war, then I will bring them a war, straight to their doorsteps."_

"_Well, I guess there's just nothing I can say, is there? You're right, Kate, it's your life. You can throw your life away if you want but I'm not gonna stick around and watch, so -this is over. I'm done."_

I've lost her.

* * *

Walking away from Kate was one of the hardest things I've ever done. The fact that she was mad at me and wouldn't be calling for my help didn't ease my worry. I knew that she was going in with guns blazing and might not make it out of this one alive. Every time my cell rang I jumped, fearing it was Ryan or Espo calling to tell me that she was in the hospital or worse. But no one called me from the 12th and so I threw myself into the last minute preparations for Alexis' graduation and tried to be a supportive dad, even though it was another knife in my heart knowing that I was going to be losing my baby to college in the fall.

Her speech had mother and me in tears – though I kept a stiff upper lip and refused to let mine fall. My thoughts kept straying to Kate even while I was shaking hands with other parents I knew and posing for pictures with Alexis and her friends. _Maybe I should have picked up my phone before we left the loft – what if Kate was in trouble and she needed me? But surely she would have called me herself? The caller ID had said the 12__th__ precinct, not Kate._

"Kiddo, could you please paste a smile on your face for your daughter's sake and stop being such a gloomy Gus?"

I smiled. "Sorry, Mother. Just a little preoccupied."

"Have you talked to her?"

"Who?"

Martha rolled her eyes. "Richard, who do you think you're talking to? You haven't left the apartment since coming home yesterday even though I know you were in the middle of a case with Beckett. What happened?"

"I – she gave me time off for Alexis' graduation."

"So, everything is fine between the two of you?"

"Dad!"

I turned in time to catch Alexis as she threw her arms around me. "Hey, pumpkin. Your speech was wonderful – brought tears to my eyes."

"Really?"

"Scout's honor."

"You were never a boy scout." Alexis poked me in the ribs.

Martha laughed. "She's got you there, Kiddo. But he did tear up – and I cried."

"Oh Grams." Alexis flew into her arms and I sighed, thankful that my daughter had given me a short reprieve from my mother's cross examination.

"Dad, where's Kate? She said she was coming."

I swallowed and said the first thing that came to mind. "Sorry, sweetie. She couldn't get away from the precinct – big case."

Mother's eyes narrowed and she opened her mouth to say something but I cut her off. "So, do I still get to take my girl out before your big party?"

"Yes, I'm starving!"

I chuckled. "Let's go then."

* * *

"Alexis, I'm fine, don't worry about me. I have my Xbox, and a million cable channels to keep me company. Have fun at your party and I'll see you tomorrow afternoon. I love you too."

I smiled as I hung up. It really was a mystery to me where my daughter had inherited most of her genes from – at her age, Meredith and I could have cared less whether or not our parents were lonely graduation night without us. My phone rang and I picked it up, expecting to see my daughter's face but instead I saw Kate's. My finger hovered over the accept button. I wanted to push it so badly – I wanted to hear her voice. She was reaching out to me and frankly, I was astonished. Kate didn't do that easily. But maybe she was just calling to say she was sorry she had missed Alexis' graduation and would drop off a little something for her later. If that was the case, she could leave a voicemail. I hit the reject button and turned my phone off. I didn't want to talk to anyone tonight. The only company I needed was my bottle of scotch and the Duke. Glancing up, I noticed my digital murder board was open, and Kate's picture was mocking me from the center. Crossing the floor quickly, I stood in front of the board and stared at it for a minute, breathing deeply. I had told her I was done – which meant I didn't need this anymore. Raising my hand, I minimized the file and dragged it to the trash can, deleting it; if it was only that easy to erase some people from your heart.

There was a knock on my door and I groaned. It was probably Gina, come to give me hell for the two chapters that were a month overdue. It was only recently I'd gotten over my writer's block but I'd been so busy romancing Kate that my writing had been shoved to the back burner. Now I felt blocked again. I knew Gina wouldn't like to hear that so I was thinking of plausible excuses to give my second ex-wife and publisher as I swung the door open. My welcoming smile fell away as my eyes landed on Kate, dripping wet on the other side.

I fell back a step and fought the urge to wrap my arms around her. I maintained a physical and emotional distance as I said hoarsely, "Beckett, what do you want?"

"You."

I was still processing her one word reply as she launched herself across the threshold, wrapping her wet arms around my neck and pressing her lips to mine. "I'm so sorry, Castle," she breathed against me. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."

She tried to capture my lips again but my brain had caught up to the fact that she was dripping wet and emotional and shaking and apologizing in my arms after I'd told her I was done. I shoved her back to look in her in the eyes. "What happened?"

"He got away and I didn't care. I almost died and all I could think about was you. I just want you." Her fingers touched my lips gently as she finished.

My eyes searched hers and I snapped. She was here, in my loft, after almost dying, again, after I thought we were through, again, and God help me I wasn't letting her go. I crushed my lips to hers, letting the weight of my body against hers shut my front door. Her hands were gripping and pulling at the muscles in my back and for a moment I thought we might have sex right here in my living room.

But there was something I needed to see first. Something that would let me know this wasn't some dream fantasy I was having and that this was the real Kate Beckett in my arms, alive and well. I pulled back and I heard her whimper at my retreat. I placed a soft kiss on her lips as I began to unbutton her shirt, wondering how on earth she had gotten so wet. Her hands stilled on my back as her shirt fell away to reveal her scar and I breathed deeply as my thumb traced the small mark between her breasts.

"Rick," she whispered, her hands framing my face as she brought my lips back hers, kissing me softly. She pulled away with a smile and laced her fingers through mine. But before we had taken two steps toward the bedroom, she sneezed.

I turned and pulled her into my arms. "We've got to get you out of these wet clothes."

She grinned. "I thought that's what we were about to do."

I shook my head. "Patience. First, a hot shower – I don't want you catching a chill."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to catch a chill, Castle, just because I sat out in the rain for awhile." She sneezed.

I grinned. "Don't argue with me." I led her through my study and into my bedroom. After I retrieved a fresh bathrobe from the bathroom, I came back to find her sitting on the bed, shivering. "Strip."

"Wanna watch?"

I backed away. "You are a wicked, wicked woman, Beckett. I'm trying to be a patient man-"

"Why? Don't you want me?"

I pulled her up from the bed, invading her space to place a toe curling kiss on her lips. "Does that answer your question?"

She nodded. "So what are you waiting for?"

"I want you warm, fed, and ready for me – I don't want to take advantage of you, Kate."

"You're not – I told you, I want you, Rick."

"What happened today, Kate?"

She turned away from me and angrily began to undo the rest of the buttons on her shirt. "Why do you always want to talk a thing to death?"

I sighed. "Because keeping secrets only ends up hurting us. I'll get the water ready for you."

* * *

While Kate was in the shower, I threw her clothes in the wash and pulled out my leftovers from dinner. I hadn't been very hungry and so there was quite a bit left. I knew Kate would linger in the shower so I had time to cook extra pasta to stretch the food to make enough for the both of us.

When she finally emerged from the bathroom wearing one of my sweatshirts and a pair of Alexis' yoga pants, her hair wet and tangled around her shoulders, she offered me a shy smile. "You didn't need to cook a five star meal, Rick."

"I didn't – this is mostly my gourmet leftovers from my post-graduation dinner with Alexis. I just added some extra pasta so there would be enough for both of us."

"Oh! I completely forgot about graduation –"

"It's OK. I said you had a case."

Kate looked at me in surprise as she picked up her fork. "You covered for me? Even after everything that happened between us?"

I shrugged as I twirled the pasta around my fork. "Old habits die hard."

She blinked. "Thanks. How was her speech?"

"Terrific – I almost cried, scout's honor."

"You were never a scout, Castle."

"Oh – I forgot you knew that."

"Hmm, yeah, this is delicious."

"For the price I paid, it ought to be."

"I'm sure you can afford it."

"Why Katharine Beckett, are you saying I'm rich?"

"You're always telling me you're a best selling author."

"That I am."

Our light-hearted banter continued through our meal and Kate insisted on washing our plates, even though she knew I had a top of the line dishwasher.

She shrugged. "I find washing dishes therapeutic."

I waggled my eyebrows. "You need therapy tonight?"

She shook her head. "No, I just need to unwind."

I crossed behind her to get a wine bottle. Her hair had been down around her shoulders but she put it up to wash dishes and I moved to kiss her neck.

I froze. "Kate, what is this on your neck?"

She stiffened.

"Kate, are these bruises?"

She sighed. "Yes."

I turned her to face me. "Kate, what the hell happened today?"

She avoided my gaze. "I told you I almost died."

"Talk to me."

"Javi tracked down Cole Maddox – the alias of the guy in the church – to his apartment and the two of us went to have a little chat with him."

I frowned. "Without backup?"

"We had each other's backs – we thought it would be enough. Anyway, he wasn't home when we got there but we found Montgomery's files so we knew we had the right guy. Then Maddox got the jump on us – he knocked out Javi before either of us knew what happened and escaped up to the roof. I went after him."

"Alone."

"Yes. We fought but I'm afraid I was on the losing end. He – he choked me and threw me off the roof-"

"God, Kate-" I shuddered and pulled her into me.

"I'm here, Rick. I'm alive and I'm with you."

"I should have been there – I should have had your back."

She pulled away to look me in the eye. "You were there – I heard you."

"What?"

"When I was hanging there, trying to hold on – I heard you calling me, telling me to hold on. I couldn't believe it when Ryan pulled me up – I thought for sure it was you – I'd heard you so clearly."

"Kate-" I groaned.

"You were all I could think about. I love you, Rick."

I cupped the back of her head and the fire reignited as our lips joined and her body surged into mine. My hands slipped under the sweatshirt, pushing the fabric up and off, leaving her bare from the waist up. She pulled away from me with a gasp as the cool air hit her skin.

"Let's go to bed," she whispered against my lips.

I grinned. "To sleep?"

She laced her fingers through mine, throwing me a smoldering look over her bare shoulder. "Eventually."

* * *

I sat straight up in bed, not sure what had awakened me. Sunlight was streaming in the window, the storm from last night having blown through, leaving the world clean and new. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and glanced down at the other side of the bed, my brow crinkling as last night's events flooded my brain. Did that really happen? Did Kate show up on my doorstep dripping wet, saying all she wanted was me? Did we really make passionate love all night – no, surely I had dreamed that part.

I heard a soft sound and turned my head in time to see the vision of my partner entering the room wearing only one of my white dress shirts, two cups of coffee in her hands. Her hair was falling in loose wavy locks down her shoulders and I wanted nothing more than to grab her and bring her back to bed where I could ravish her. I grinned and she returned my smile.

"I made you some coffee."

My grin widened. "So it wasn't a dream."

She shook her head as she perched on the bed next to me. "No."

I took both of the cups of coffee from her and set them on my bedside table. "You're right – I had no idea."

The corners of her eyes crinkled. "You liked it?"

"Oh yeah."

"Even the part where-"

"Especially that part."

"Me too."

Unable to resist her any longer, I snaked my arms around her waist and pulled her into me as I laid back down, taking her with me. She let out a squeal of protest, but then relaxed her body on top of mine. "So, what do you want to do today?" she whispered, trailing a hand up my chest.

I nuzzled her neck. "I'll do anything you want, Detective, as long as it doesn't involve leaving this bed."

"Castle!" she laughed and slapped my upper arm.

I undid the two buttons holding her shirt closed. "I love you, Kate."

Her eyes grew soft as she pushed my hair back. "I love you too, Rick."

"Move in with me."

She stiffened in my arms. "What?"

My arms tightened around her as I prepared for her panic. "Wait, don't run, OK? I'm not asking you to move in today or even next month. It's an open invitation – I want you to think about it and give me your answer whenever you're ready."

Her eyes narrowed. "Are you sure this isn't because Alexis is going away to college in a few months and you'll be all alone here with your mother?"

"I'll admit that having you here as a buffer between me and my mother holds a certain appeal."

She grabbed my ear and pulled hard. "OW! Apples, apples, apples!" I cried.

She smiled. "You're awful!"

I grinned and waggled my eyebrows. "But you love me."

She huffed a breath and lay back down, resting her head on my chest. "You don't think it's a little fast? I mean, we just started our relationship and I'm currently unemployed and we haven't even told my dad-"

"Kate, breathe." I waited for a few seconds. "I told you, it's an open invitation. Whenever you're ready, I want you to know that I am too. I want you to know that you're my one and done. Six months from now, I don't want you to wonder where this relationship is going – I want you to know that you, Katharine Beckett, are the one for me."

"Rick – I-" she leaned up and pressed her lips to mine. "I don't know what to say. I'm not good with words the way you are."

"Just say-"

"Richard!" the front door slammed and my mother's voice rang out through the loft. "Richard, where are you?"

"Oh my God!" Kate shrieked as she dove beneath the covers. "I thought you said your mother was in the Hamptons."

I shrugged as I looked down at the wiggling mound under the sheets. "She's supposed to be."

My bedroom door swung open. "There you are – we need you right away."

"We?" I repeated.

"Yes, Alexis and I. It seems she had a bit too much to drink-"

"My daughter is hung over?" I tried not to grin, but failed.

"Richard, please, now is not the time to gloat that your daughter is finally following in your footsteps and sowing some of her own wild oats. Can you and Katharine get dressed and come help me?"

Kate poked her head out of the covers. "You knew it was me?"

Martha grinned. "Well, of course, darling. Who else would be in Richard's bed?"

I smirked. "Who indeed?"

Kate kicked me under the sheets. "We'll be out in five minutes. Do you have a family remedy for hangovers?"

I shook my head. "Mother's cure is more alcohol."

"Richard!" Martha scolded. "I'll have you know that it is a tried and true remedy that works – but Alexis won't touch it."

"Good girl – we'll be out soon. Go on, Mother."

"I'm glad to see you're not going to be doing the walk of shame, darling."

"Mother!" I bellowed.

"I'm going, I'm going-" the door shut behind her laughter.

"I'm so sorry, Kate – did she traumatize you?" I bent down to try and catch Kate's eye beneath her curtain of hair.

Kate shook her head as she got out of bed, letting the shirt fall to the floor. I gulped. "You know, if you're trying to motivate me to get dressed, that's not helping."

She threw me a smile as she reached for her pants. "Your mother and daughter are on the other side of that door."

I groaned. "That will work." I reached for the dress shirt she had just discarded and slipped it on. "What?" I asked innocently as she stared at me. "Creepy?"

"No, it's just – I've heard of girlfriends wearing their boyfriends stuff but not the other way around."

"Hey, it's not underwear."

She made a face. "Good thing – then I'd worry."

Just before we left my room she grabbed my hand and pulled me into a quick kiss. "We never finished our conversation."

"There will be time later."

"I just wanted to tell you – I'll think about it – the whole moving in thing."

"You will?"

"Yeah."

"DAD!"

I sighed. "Time to rescue my daughter."

Kate laced her fingers through mine. "Rick – you don't regret last night, do you?"

I dropped her hand to cup her face. "Kate, I've been waiting for what happened last night for three years. Do you regret it?"

She shook her head. "No. I meant what I said last night, Rick. I want you – I want this."

"Good. So, still partners?"

She smiled. "Always."

**tbc?**

* * *

**A/N: So I can't decide if I should do one-shots in the the talk-to-me universe or continue in this one because it seems to have grown legs of its own. Hmm. Anyway, what did you think? Reviews are LOVE.**


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